Why are girls always in a hurry to reach the midst of a gray
day when a Knight-in-Shining-Armor would come and save them from their
respective creepy towers? Why can’t they just calm their fine asses back on the
couch and forget all the fuss in waiting and searching for the Prince Charming
that does not even exist, and just enjoy the singing birds that land on the
windowpane? Well, nobody knows the right answer. But I, at least, could try to
state some facts about this gobbledygook called “Love,” and why it sucks
because of Beyoncé. No, not literally Beyoncé. But she is the one who
promoted femme fatale by her stupid song
Run
the World, wasn’t she? So, there… you get the point.
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| photo from tumblr.com |
- Girls are hopelessly desperate and desperately
hopeless. I lack certainty to what difference the two make, but I’m sure as
hell that they’re not the same. Some real shit must be clinging on there somewhere. Anyway, girls are always up to some magical connection and weird
things like that, for example a guy says Hi to her once, or they both love reading books, or they watch the same
anime, or they eat the same junk, or they shit with the same awkward toilet
position… Kapow! He’s already the long-lost soulmate. And what’s worse is when
he turns this amazing-yet-uncomforting proposal down, he’d suddenly and
absolutely appear as a douchebag sent from hell. And the worst part is because
of him, she’d promise to herself that her heart won’t ever beat to love again. What
the heck? I mean, he was just trying to be nice, and yet she was taking it as
something more personal. Was it his fault? Classic!
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| photo from chrisnackers.com |
- Girls see life as an arcade game and guys are
their joysticks. They think that the only way to win the match is to tighten up
the grip on the controller and move it wherever they please. It’s like manipulation
really is their key to victory, which guys hate. If truth be told, if there’s
something more unbearable than girls on period, that’d be girls in control. WE
GUYS HATE IT! “Text me where you are,” “Tell me who you’re with,” “Call me
right now and tell me what you’re doing,” “Why does it take too long for your
reply,” and some other nerve-racking questions and commands that are sprinkled
with unacceptable suspicions. We have balls inside our boxers, okay? We’re men!
And you better make us feel that, otherwise we’re done and gone.
- Girls swim in a pool of fantasy and drink from
the fountain of libido. Okay, this one is going to be weird but you can probably
handle it. It’s just my very obnoxious way of saying that girls have the
dirtiest and wildest imaginations ever (whether they admit it or not), and
these things their minds construct set fiery expectations that could burn them
down to gray ashes. I’m not going to elaborate further because I don’t want to
get castigated by this, so I’ll end it with just a few honest words: Girls
create an extraordinary eerie and kinky future with their crushes behind the
bars of their extremely colorful brains.
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| photo from tumblr.com |
I can go on and on and on forever listing the cute factory
defects of these wonderful creatures called “Girls,” but I don’t think I will
because I don’t have that
forever. I’ll
just say that yeah, girls are pretty fucked-up and unpredictable and reckless
and stupid… but so are we, guys. We are too awful that we can never be your
Prince Charming. Never. And it’s because we’re wicked by nature. We’re just a magnificent
hybrid of either good-looking or shit-faced tit-suckers. We’ll sleep with you,
we’ll leave you. We’ll make you feel loved, and then we’ll break your heart.
But just like what clichés say, there’s a reason for everything. And the reason
why we’re like this is because we were broken once… of course, by a girl.
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